3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
