Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize