so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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