Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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