Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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