Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
