Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
