Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
