So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize