his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
