Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
