He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
