I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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