WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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