Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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