found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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