I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
