all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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