She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize