Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
