is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
