Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
