whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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