I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
