you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
