No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize