omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we made out on top of his cat.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
