She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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