Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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