An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Randomize
