The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
