so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
