he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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