The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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