There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
