Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
