I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
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