and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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