Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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