then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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