I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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