i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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