i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
