Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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