We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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