I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
