so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
