hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
