I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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