apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
