If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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