she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
