literally had 100 drinks last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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