I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I want her autograph on my taint
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
