Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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