The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
