do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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