so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
