Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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