lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
