I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize