it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
