Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He kissed a someone with a penis
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize