you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
