Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
