All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
