More tranny stories later!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
